It’s For Sure I’m Never Gettin’ Old

Re-post /2010/08/20/

Don’t know who wrote this but I’m piddlin’ my pants…
Oops, shouldna said that.

Grow Up 1
— No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats
— When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair
— If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person
— Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato
— You can’t trust dogs to watch your food
— Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair
— Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time
— You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
— Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts
— The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap

Grow Up 2
— Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree
— Wrinkles don’t hurt
— Families are like fudge … mostly sweet with a few nuts
— Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground
— Laughing is good exercise; it’s like jogging on the inside
— Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy

Grow Up 4
— Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional
— Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get
— When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re
down there
— You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that
you once got from a roller coaster
— It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you
you the questions
— Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician
— Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone

Grow Up 3

1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3) You are Santa Claus
4) You look like Santa Claus

At age 4    … not piddling in your pants
At age 12  … having friends
At age 17  … having a driver’s license
At age 35  … having money
At age 50  … having money
At age 70  … having a driver’s license
At age 75  … having friends
At age 80  … not piddling in your pants

May Your Glass Always Be Half Full

About Maxi

Hi … I'm Maxi, a retiree with an addiction. I have quit: raising kids, cleaning house, cooking, doing laundry—there is no end the list—everything is done on "have to." The addiction? Writing to my last breath. blessings ~ maxi
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