It begins with…

“I can’t do it. It’s too hard. Everyone will laugh at me.” Words like these haunted me…

Ever since childhood it has been impossible to overcome the feelings of inadequacy, never being good enough. The tendency to hold back becomes even stronger when school starts. It is so painful to stand in front of the class to read an essay; I am an A student, yet take a lesser grade because I can’t do that. It is always lonely amid the group on the playground.

High School is almost unbearable. It isn’t just being shy; it’s the lack of assurance within. There is that desperation of wanting to fit in, to join the clubs, to belong.  Without the nerve to try, there are many missed opportunities all through school.

The problem persists, affects life in every way – destroyed relationships with men, missed chances at work, disrupted friendships.

And then…

Middle age comes along and something incredible happens. I start to feel weird and my body turns on me. It’s that dreaded Menopause: a nightmare of hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, etc.

I go to the doctor and he prescribes pills. When they no longer get the job done, I’m put on the patch. This is pretty good, but only for a while. Then I start injections. Aah, this is the best, works great.

I’m home free until…

The doctor checks my records and discovers that I had cancer in my early thirties. No more ERT (estrogen replacement therapy) for me. I’m on my own.

While menopause was hard, it also saved me. Oh yes! It turned my life around.

When I was young menopause was called “The Change of Life.” It wasn’t talked about openly the way it is now. Women whispered at the table when they discussed “The Change.” We girls knew it was all about making women act weird, aaand it was really bad. We heard it might even drive you crazy. One thing we knew for sure, it changed women.

Well, by the time I finished menopause, I was changed, only not in the way I had expected. I had become a person with confidence, perseverance, not afraid to face a challenge.

At forty-eight I started working out at the gym; next I became an aerobics instructor; after that I dealt in collectibles and antiques. Then I ran my own boutique for years.

Now it is writing, a passion I’ve had all my life … an addiction actually. I set up a website http://maximalone.com  , a blog http://maxiscomments.com  and Twitter  http://twitter.com/@maxi8. I have also written two novels with a third in progress.

These accomplishments didn’t happen overnight. It took place gradually, without me giving it a great deal of thought. When it hit me what I have done, it took a long while to get over the shock.

So, there you have it, this is my story. In spite of the hardship, I will be forever grateful to menopause. I want women to know that they don’t have to fear this interruption in their life, there are also benefits…

Especially for those of us who walk on the light side.

 May Your Glass Always Be Half Full
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Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it.

Rule 2: The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem; the world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will not make $60,000 a year right out of high school; you won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault. Don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and will give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to anything in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters: You don’t get summers off and employers are not interested in helping you find yourself, do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is not real life; in real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds; chances are you’ll end up working for one.

Rule 12: (added by me) Years ago I put a statement on the fridge that went something like this:

To all young people living here…

If you are tired of following rules…

Pack up your stuff and move out…

While you still know everything…

Signed by unreasonable parents

Don’t remember where I read this but it fits.

 May Your Glass Always Be Half Full

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My husband and I talked for weeks about a funeral or cremation. The first time we mentioned cremation it didn’t make us feel good. And then…

Life made the decision for us. It was one of those spells where there was one disaster after another. When our dog of eighteen years died, that was it. We had her cremated and knew…

It was time for us to make a decision of our own; it was cremation.

David wanted so much for our ashes to be scattered over his parent’s grave in Cleveland, Ohio. When he called to make the arrangements, he was told it’s against the law. Then I read an article about a church in Columbus that has a garden where it’s permissible to spread a loved one’s ashes.

Since we couldn’t scatter the ashes, David wanted them placed in an urn and this caused our biggest problem. I was absolutely opposed to this. It’s a responsibility that you pass on to someone else. I can’t do that.

Some of you will probably catch your breath here; we decided not to have a service. I don’t want this, I won’t be there. If you want to see me than do it while I’m alive. Don’t come when I have passed on and don’t know you’re there. Have a gathering among yourselves, or by yourself, make peace with your own feelings.

Then something happened that changed everything…

On August 20, 2011 it was time for me to face my own reality … my beloved David passed away.

Once again, life took over. My husband was cremated, and yes, I had a service for David. He was so loved, had many friends and I realized that they needed this. Not only them, our children. I can tell you had it been just me, I would not have done it.

Still, the service was a happy one. I put together a slide show of all the happy moments with David over the years. One-by-one friends stood up and told of their relationship with him. And then, the chaplain told “our story.”

Life took care of something else when David was in the hospital; his ashes. The subject came up and son David said he would like to have his dad’s ashes. It rattled me and I said this had already been decided, arrangements had been made for the crematorium to dispose of his ashes.

Within moments, I came back and said yes. Of course, David would want his son to have his ashes.

Whatever you decide let your family know; put it on paper. Don’t put the responsibility on someone else.

May Your Glass Always Be Half Full

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